Lawak Pilihanraya, Election Jokes, Samy Vellu Jokes II

someone forwarded this jokes, lets share.

Election jokes
by
malaysiakini. com

(1) Barisan has announced that its new national symbol is the Condom,
because it accurately reflects the government stance. A condom allows
for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation,
protects a bunch of pricks and gives us a sense of security while
we're actually being screwed!



(2) Pak Lah and Samy Vellu were in a helicopter looking down Kuala
Lumpur. Pak Lah said, "Samy, if I throw two RM100 notes down, two
people will be happy."

Not wanting to be outdone, Samy said, "If I throw 200 RM1 notes, 200
people will be happy."

The pilot heard the conversation and said, "If I throw the two of you
down, 27 million Malaysians will be happy."



(3) Three guys were arguing as to what race Adam and Eve were. The
Malay guy said they must be Malay as they are so good looking. The
Chinese guy said that they must be Chinese as they are so calm even
with a snake.

The Indian guy said that they must be Malaysian-Indian as they have no
shelter, no clothes, no money, share one apple, advised by a snake who
told them that they are living in paradise!

DAMN GOOD ONE BELOW

(4) Pak Lah, Najib, Shahrizat and Anwar were sitting in a KTM train
heading up to Penang for campaigning. Near Ipoh, the train goes
through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.

Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!

The train comes out of the tunnel. Shahrizat and Pak Lah are sitting
there looking perplexed.

Najib is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap.

All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Pak Lah is thinking: "These guys are all crazy after Shahrizat. Najib
must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she
slapped him."

Shahrizat is thinking: "Najib must have moved to kiss me, but kissed
Pak Lah instead and got slapped."

Najib is thinking: "Damn it, Pak Lah must have tried to kiss
Shahrizat, she thought it was me and slapped me instead."

Anwar is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could
make another kissing sound and slap Najib again."



(5) Barisan wins the election. To celebrate, they decide to send more
angkasawan to space. Najib calls together a group of Umnoputra
cosmonauts.

Saudara saudara sekalian, we successfully sent our man Muzaffar to
space using tax payers' money the last time. Since we have more than
enough tax payers' money, the Cabinet has decided that you will all
now fly to the sun.

But Datuk, we will be burnt to crisp.

Jangan takut, the Barisan government has thought of everything ... you
will fly at night!



(6) Today's election brings to mind the old Northern Ireland election
slogan - "VOTE EARLY AND VOTE OFTEN"



(7) A priest is dying in a church. Before he dies, he asked for Pak La
La La Lah and Khai Ri Ri Riry to be beside his deathbed. Both of them
were excited at this opportunity because they thought it would be good
for their image with the elections right around the corner.

At the priest's deathbed, they asked, "Father, why did you ask us to
be with you on your deathbed?"

The priest replied, "Because I wanted to die like Jesus Christ. He
died between two thieves, and I wanted to do the same."